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WELCOME TO STAGE SIX OF A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP!
“Seven Stages to Relationship Success”
-- Dr. Michael G. Semon
Used with permission.
STAGE 6: HOLD AS A GIFT . . .
Receiving Freely, you recognize what you have is not yours. It is the life and character of God living in and through you, as you. You cannot live the Christian life. You can only live your life. This removes the pressure of being right, good enough and measuring up. Your part is to be available to God's ability in your life. You don't have to be good enough or measure up to some theoretical standard of goodness. You now do what is yours to do as God leads you. Your standard is not you or your partner. Your standard is not what all the books say. Your standard is not what others think. Your standard is within you-living through you, as you. Your part is to listen and be available to go into the game when the Coach needs you.
Children receive immunizations from diseases that once crippled thousands. A dormant strain of the pathogen or virus causes antibodies to fight the pathogen from within. When the virus attacks the inoculated body, these antibodies create a protective shield preventing it from entering the body and causing disease or even death.
The same process occurs when you Hold life, others, yourself and your relationships as a Gift. By Receiving Freely, you have the very character of God forming within you, so that when accusation, blame or temptation comes your way, emotional and spiritual antibodies create a seal, protecting you from the need to defend yourself. Holding life, your partner and relationships as a Gift, you are free of control, manipulation and having to orchestrate or engineer circumstances or people.
You are not the Center of the Universe. You have the Center of the Universe within you! Interestingly, if you are the Center of the Universe, everything is about you. When you are not the Center, but have the Center of the Universe in you, living through you, as you, nothing is about you. In fact, Jesus said, “Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).
Consider the following example.
Jim thought that everything he did was “for” his wife. He was busy “saving his life.” He did so much around the house that his wife encouraged him to go out with friends and do things “for” himself. This would give her some relief from the guilt she felt because she was not as attentive to him as he was to her. Hearing, “Go do something for yourself, ” was hard for Jim. He began investing himself in a local charity. Losing his life for Christ's sake, he found his wife had a new interest in him. But he didn't let her interest take him off track. His efforts at saving his life resulted in losing it (“Go do something for yourself”). Volunteering at the charity (losing his life for Christ's sake) resulted in the life he most wanted with his wife.
Holding life as a Gift, you do not presume upon it. The Gift is given to you and can be taken from you. It is a Gift. Instead of owning your life, you manage the life that is given to you. You are responsible for managing your life and relationships. Your part is to manage what is there, not to try to form it into your image, what you think it should look like. So how do two people resolve their differences when both are going through this process and they come to an impasse? I'm glad you asked.
In the first century, they had these same questions. It was just over different issues. Their big issue back then was whether or not you are allowed to eat meat that had been offered to an idol. Apparently, eating meat offered as a sacrifice to an idol was considered unclean or contaminated, and early church patrons didn't know what to do. Some people said, “You can't eat meat offered to an idol,” while others said that it was fine to eat the meat.
Today’s issues are still about food, sex, money and power. Not much has changed over the years. Wisdom prevails in Romans, Chapter 14. Paul, the apostle, says in Verse 20, “Don't destroy the work of God for the sake of food.” In other words, he said all food is clean, but if your brother thinks the meat is contaminated, don't eat the meat, thus destroying the work of God in his life. He says all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. Value your brother and the work of God in his life more than food or sex or money, etc… Care more about your brother than eating that big 14 oz ribeye.
The same can be said today. As you Hold life as a Gift, don't allow anything to be more important than the work of God in your partner's life. Hold everything as a Gift.
Consider this scenario.
If your spouse wants to have sex tonight and you don't want to have sex, what do you do? According to Romans 14, sex needs to be less important than the work of God in your partner's life. Valuing your partner more than having sex or not having sex, both would be willing to do what the other wants. Insisting on having sex or not having sex disregards the work of God in your partner’s life. Can you say “Center of the Universe”?
Being willing to Honor Your Partner, Hold life as a Gift and Do Justice, you put your demands for sex or not having sex away and lose your life for Christ's sake. It could go either way. How unique would a relationship be for the person who is interested in sex to value his or her partner more than sex itself? Wow! Can you say, “Center of the Universe” living in you, through you, as you. WOW - what a Gift! What a turn on!
Stage Seven is coming soon. Until then, keep practicing!
Dr. Michael G. Semon
President, Relationships Incorporated
Dr. Michael G. Semon
2540 Valleydale Road
Birmingham, AL 35244
o) 205-991-3683
c) 205-960-3686
ms@relationshipsincorporated.com
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